“Can’t Sleep” – Friday Fiction (?) by Gary Picard

                                           

9-28-10 to 9-29-10

my father in-law says to get rid of athletes feet you need to piss on your toes it works I hit my sister on the head with a broom when I was 3 my next door neighbor growing up died and I don’t know where or when or how my first car was a ’74 Dodge Charger growing up in my parents house I could hear the milkman delivering milk to us early summer mornings I’m not as good as I think I am I’d like to meet Alan Alda and Jerry Seinfeld  my wife has the prettiest blue eyes my grandfather clock downstairs just chimed 12 there’s no decaf in the house I have skeletons in my closet  and I’m sorry I want to do better there is a constant ringing in my ears all the time my wife tells me I’m old the room I’m sitting in is red I love my truck my mother was addicted to tranquilizers and my father would smack us if we spilled milk at the table I had football posters on our walls in the basement where we played and when I was a kid my father yelled at me for scribbling all over them but I couldn’t tell him I was pretending to be a football player and those were my autographs cause I was crying my favorite dogs were Becky & Dreyfus I married my high school girlfriend I have 2 kids and I divorced my high school girlfriend after 15 yrs of marriage cause she was a kook I wish I could talk to my grandfather and drink iced coffee with him my grandmother rarely smiled my wife snores but don’t tell her I told you from my window up here I can hear crickets or grasshoppers work sucks mean people suck mean rich people suck I believe in God and I hope he’s not pissed at me the only advise my father  ever gave me was to buy a good quality used car and don’t get her pregnant when he died I got his fishing vest go to your favorite park on a sunny day and pick up a rock and smell it and hold it I wish I could change those skeletons in my closet I like the saying never give up never surrender and wish I could live my life more like that although Yoda’s try not do or do not there is no try has served me well in life I want to die fulfilled  I witnessed my wifes favorite aunt pass away with the entire family around her there are small bunnies living under our shed my dog is too old to catch them there’s nothing like a good cigar and a bottle of beer on a Friday night can you believe I don’t get paid for this I couldn’t sleep so here I am sit on the grass and watch the bugs for a few minutes I pay my bills on time and nobody is helping me that stupid ringing in my ears I can hear the trucks on the Mass Pike school is great learning is the best just be sure to use what you’ve learned  people think my name is Dave I’d like to get a whole room full of Dave’s and see what they look like I would like to find a nice church somewhere pay-day tomorrow I think I’ll bring the leftover chicken to work for lunch tomorrow my wife promised me 14 yrs ago ( this is wife # 2 folks ) sex in a cornfield in October and I’m still waiting how an I doing sometimes life is a blessing and a struggle at the same time only wimps give up when my father died I kissed his cold forehead and wished him peace I hope now all these years later he knows what’s in my heart we had the best pumpkin ice cream from Rondeau’s at the Big E where does creativity come from and why doesn’t it run out I can’t write a single book but there are others who write dozens of them I quit every sport I was forced to play as a kid but I kept my books people should be nice all the time I need gas on the way to work tomorrow  dentist appt Thursday after work Big E traffic I would like to take a year off and travel with some of the vendors from the Big E  my wife twitches as she falls asleep and shakes the whole bed she says I fart in my sleep but I think it’s the dog the mortgage payment is coming up again and we’re grateful to have a roof over our heads I wish I had super powers there’s nothing like a good dump in the morning after breakfast and coffee unless it’s beer and a cigar after work my parents house was haunted and whatever it was followed me to my apartment after I moved out I miss the old Comp high school my ex-wife threw out my letter sweater my father paid off his mortgage then died a few months later every prospective parent should take Intro to Psychology teachers are special people If I have a cup of coffee now I’ll  never get to sleep my wife waits till I take a nap on Sunday afternoons to do some of her “special” projects so that when I wake up I can’t argue with her about it she once put bologna in her spaghetti sauce and cauliflower in her meatloaf the spaghetti was awful but the meatloaf was pretty good I listen to NPR in the morning and an oldies station on my way home from work our dog understands English when she licks herself I tell her to stop and she does she looks at me for a second then goes right back to it when I walk up the stairs to my office I picture in my mind all my books talking to each other relaying stories to each other I wish I knew members of my family better  my wife and I were getting out of our car years ago at a flea market on King St in N’hamp there were seagulls everywhere and I told her to be careful I spent many years living in RI and have seen firsthand what could happen as soon as she said yeah right a gull let a big wet gooey mess fall right on top of her head and she laughed  If I don’t get to bed soon I’ll be tired tomorrow morning  my wife is my best friend and she didn’t even ask me to say that I’m concerned about my job maybe too much  I cried when my dogs died that hurt my hour is up it’s 1:00am good night

 

(Note: the image is from www.imcdb.org)

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